100 Tips for Nannies and Families

When you hire a nanny, you check her background, references and experience.  You want the perfect person to care for your children - someone that they’ll love and want to spend time with.

But what if they love her too much?

It’s common for mothers to feel threatened by - and envious of - their nannies. It’s often difficult to leave your kids to go to work, and here’s this “other woman” who gets to do all of the fun stuff that you’re missing - playing with your kids, teaching them new things…even being there for their milestones.  Talk about major mommy guilt!

It’s natural to feel possessive and protective of your kids - that’s the maternal instinct.  It’s also OK to need help with childcare - it takes a village to raise a child, right?     

But hiring a nanny, which is supposed to make our lives easier, can be complicated, as many mothers struggle with the unique dynamic of this relationship.   You’re having an intensely intimate relationship with your employee: she has become an instant part of your family.  She sees you at your most vulnerable (in your bathrobe after a sleepless night with a sick baby), she gets a glimpse into your personal life (your house is always messy) and she’s sharing the most personal, familiar routines with your children.  She’s comforting them when they’re hurt or scared, cheering for their successes and doing all of the other things that you would do - if you were there. 

Other moms have similar feelings, as discussed in this “nanny envy” interview: www.nannies4hire.com/gma_video.html.

While you may feel conflicted or upset that your child loves your nanny so much, it’s actually a good thing.  Don’t you want your child to feel comfortable with their childcare provider?

You aren’t the only mom to feel “nanny envy.”   You’re also not the only mom to feel guilty about working, not keeping a spotless house, not baking bread from scratch…and the list goes on.  Give yourself a break, do the best you can and count on help from others - including your nanny - who really does have your family’s best interests at heart.

The old adage says you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but many of us still do so - at least on occasion.  We all have an image in our minds of what the “ideal” nanny should look like - and that image is probably more Mary Poppins than Marilyn Manson.  You’re probably envisioning pink sweaters, not Pink the rock star.

When it comes to nannies, would you hire someone with visible body piercings, tattoos, a Mohawk hairstyle, a punk-rock style, etc.?

Tattoos and body piercings have become increasingly popular in recent years.  Some of this body art is, of course, hidden from view, but others are in plain sight.

Many people are completely in favor of these forms of self-expression.  Further, they believe that nannies, like all of us, are entitled to live their own lives - and as long as they’re great with kids, who cares about the artwork on their bodies? 

These folks base their decision about hiring a caregiver on other criteria that they deem more important, such as the potential nanny’s experience, references, personality, interests, availability and salary requirements.  They may also view this as an opportunity to teach their children valuable lessons about diversity and how it’s OK to look “different.”

Others view tattoos and piercings with disdain, thinking that it’s inappropriate and unprofessional, especially for those in the childcare industry.  They believe that nannies should look - and act - “appropriately,” and have a definite point-of-view about what is - and isn’t - appropriate.    Also, they may view their nanny as an extension of their family, and may want this “family representative” to have a more “professional” appearance.

Are you comfortable hiring a sitter with body piercings or tattoos?  Does image matter to you?  Do you - or your partner - have tattoos and body piercings yourselves? 

And, perhaps most importantly, do you think that your opinion on this subject will influence how your children view - and judge - people based on appearance?

The idea of having a “nanny cam” - or a hidden camera - has become quite controversial in recent years.  Some parents think it’s a great way to keep track of their children and their nannies, while others think it’s a blatant invasion of privacy.

Further, some parents are up front about the device, telling their caretaker that they will be using the camera to check in periodically.  Others use it secretly to ensure that their nanny is taking proper care of their children. 

The issue is more of an ethical matter than a legal one.  As long as parents aren’t taping footage of nannies without their consent, nanny cams are legal in all 50 states.  But here’s the moral dilemma:  Should parents tell nannies if they have a nanny cam?

 Many parents are using cameras hidden in teddy bears, houseplants, clocks, etc. to keep tabs on their children… as well as their nannies.  Is this smart parenting or an invasion of privacy?

 Consider the following:

• Have you told your nanny about the camera and use it in a positive way - to see what your children are doing rather than keeping tabs on what your nanny is doing?  Do you check in throughout the day to see your cute kids playing?  Or…
• Are you keeping your “nanny cam” a secret because you don’t trust your childcare provider?  Has she given you any reason to question her capabilities?  Are you worried over news reports about nannies harming babies and want to covertly watch her behavior?

In my line of work, I hear arguments on both side of the debate.  I always encourage honesty between parents and their nannies, and urge parents to hire nannies that they trust to take great care of their children. 

If parents have any reason to doubt their nannies, I recommend that they sit down and have a discussion about these concerns.  I counsel them to trust their instincts - if they’re still uncomfortable about something even after talking to their nanny about it, then it’s time to consider other childcare options.

Every busy mom that I know is trying to fit in fitness among all of the other responsibilities that she’s juggling.  And, I don’t know about you, but in my “spare time,” I want to go for a quick run, swim some laps or visit a yoga class to feel strong and healthy - and clear my head.   And my friends (and www.Nannies4Hire.com clients) agree - they look forward to a nice workout for stress relief, a break from their hectic schedules - as well as to stay fit.

In my super-busy life, I don’t have much time to exercise, let alone shop for fitness gear.  I want it all - comfort, good quality, practicality, affordability and, of course, something that looks cute on me.  I used to think that this was an impossible list of criteria, until I discovered SlimPerfect.

SlimPerfect offers stylish, flattering and reasonably priced swimwear and active wear, all easily accessible online.  Now I can spend a short time surfing the web and find something great to wear for actual surfing.

I’ve been telling everyone I know about this great website, and their current sale, where many items are 40-70% off.   Now my blog readers will receive free shipping on their order, through October 31, by entering promo code “Free Shipping” at checkout.  And if that wasn’t enough, Nannies4Hire clients and blog readers can enter to win a $100.00 E-Gift Certificate for an item of your choice at SlimPerfect. 

Here is how to enter…

1. SUBSCRIBE. You MUST be a subscriber of our Nannies4Hire blog. Our awesome giveaways are for subscribers only. If you are not yet a subscriber, you can do so via email or in a reader.
2. VISIT. You must visit SlimPerfect’s website and review their Tops, Bottoms and Dresses. Come back to this post and leave a comment telling us your favorite product on their site. Be sure to leave your email address in case you are chosen as the winner.
3. WAIT. Now you need to wait patiently until 5pm CT on October 31, 2009 to see if you are chosen at random as the winner. Winners will be contacted via email and announced on our blog.

 Happy shopping and enjoy some great workouts in your spectacular new clothes!

Social networking is exploding in popularity and sites like Facebook are attracting fans of all ages.  In fact, parents have become one of the fastest growing demographics on Facebook, and they’re using the interactive tool for more than just chatting with their friends.  They’re using it to screen for - and check up on - their nannies.

As part of their research before hiring a new nanny, parents often screen candidates on Facebook, and sometimes what they see online makes them decide not to hire a particular candidate.  Additionally, once parents hire a nanny, they’re trusting this person to care for their most precious commodity - their children - and many parents are turning to social networking sites to see what their nannies are posting.

When families hire nannies to take care of their children, they do due diligence to check out the candidate.  Most parents check potential nannies’ references and, now more than ever before, research them on social networking sites - before and after they’re hired.  Sometimes, these parents find suggestive or offensive information about these candidates - such as drinking alcohol, posing suggestively or posting inappropriate comments. 

Additionally, many parents find it awkward when they get a Facebook “friend” request from their nanny.  Like any other professional relationship, it’s a good idea to separate business and pleasure.  It can be awkward to read the daily musings of your nanny - and visa-versa - just as it could be uncomfortable to share intimate details of your life with your boss, client or other professional contacts.

As the president of Nannies4Hire, parents come to me often for advice on hiring - and working with - nannies.  Recently, I had a conversation with a mother who was Facebook “friends” with her nanny and found uncomfortable information on her nanny’s social network.  I recommended that the parents have a conversation with the nanny about their concerns.  It was yet another reminder that people - nannies as well as employees everywhere - need to be mindful of their Facebook etiquette.   Photos of inappropriate behavior will not serve you well in your professional life, so think carefully about what you post and how you’re presenting yourself.

Social networking sites are wonderful in many ways, but nannies - and all professionals, really - should have an online presence that’s presentable and in good taste.

You are excited about the prospect of hiring a nanny to help take care of your children, but you’re not sure what types of benefits you should be providing.  Adding to your challenge, there’s no hard-and-fast “rules” that outline how you should handle this situation.

Salaries and benefits vary depending on:

• The nanny’s experience.
• Their responsibilities.
• The number of hours needed .
• Whether they live-in or live-out.
• Your geographic location (nannies in big cities typically earn more than nannies in small towns.)

Other guidelines to keep in mind:

• Determine an hourly rate that you’re willing to pay, and discuss the salary and responsibilities with your nanny up-front.
• Be prepared to pay overtime for nannies that work more than a certain number of hours per week.  Under the Fair Labor Standards Act, 40 hours is a standard workweek in most states.  A live-out nanny should be paid 1.5 times their hourly pay for overtime hours.  But State Labor laws can supersede the FLSA, and there are exceptions by state. In California, for example, standard pay is based on a daily eight-hour day, instead of a 40 hour work week, so if your nanny works a 10-hour day, you’d need to pay her two hours of overtime, even if her weekly hours don’t exceed 40. In Minnesota, 48-hours is a standard week.  Additionally, there are other exceptions for live-in, salaried employees.  Good resources for more specifics are www.DOL.gov and www.GTM.com.
• Nannies will expect to be paid weekly, bi-weekly or monthly.
• Paid time off, vacation and sick leave typically accumulate over time.  Some families require that a nanny work for a certain amount of time (usually 2-3 months) before they offer paid time off.  Two paid weeks off per year is standard after the nanny has been employed for a determined amount of time.
• Families who hire live-in nannies many times offer a car for the nanny’s exclusive use.
• Many families will travel and take their nanny along; paying their travel expenses.  The nanny is usually responsible for some childcare while traveling but will also be allowed to enjoy the vacation as well.
• Many families offer paid holidays for New Year’s Day, Memorial Day, July 4^th, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Eve.
• Providing medical insurance can be negotiated between the family and the nanny.  Some families will pay the entire policy while other may pay a certain dollar amount.  Negotiate that with your nanny if that is a benefit you want to provide.
• Bonuses are always appreciated.  If your nanny is doing an exceptional job, consider rewarding her with a financial bonus, either at the holidays or during the year “just because”.

What benefits do you provide for your nanny?

National Nanny Recognition Week is September 20-26^th, and is a great time to acknowledge your nanny for all she (or he) does for your family.  During this week, families are encouraged to focus on the positive aspects of the nanny profession, including the important role nannies play in families’ lives, and the wonderful contribution they make in the lives of the children they care for.

Parents can recognize their nannies in a number of ways, including:

•  Write a heartfelt note about how much they mean to your family, how much you trust and appreciate them and how much your kids love them.
• Have your kids draw them a picture, write them a note or make them a gift.
• Invite them to join you for a special celebratory family dinner.
• Give them a gift certificate for a manicure or other spa treatment and encourage them to relax.
• Give them a gift certificate to a favorite bookstore or restaurant.
• Put together a basket of their favorite treats - coffee, tea, chocolate, fancy jams, a new book, a journal, etc.
• Send them flowers with a sweet note attached.
• Take them out for a special breakfast, lunch or dinner.
• Give them a financial bonus if you are able to do so.
• Thank them sincerely for all that they do for your family.

There are many ways to show your appreciation.  What have you done to show your gratitude to your nanny?

It’s a struggle that many of us face: running a household while running off to work.  Sometimes the sheer volume of “stuff” that we have to accomplish - from leading a staff meeting to leading the Cub Scout troop - is just staggering.  

Here are some tips to help you feel more in control:

• Empower your children to be independent.  Let them choose their own healthy snacks, outfits and so forth.  You won’t be sweating the small stuff, and they’ll be delighted with the “power’ that you’ve given them.
• Embrace your imperfections.  So you didn’t serve a home-cooked meal tonight.  Who cares?  Serve your frozen lasagna with a smile.
• Focus on work while you’re at work and on home when you’re at home.  Don’t worry about your emails, to do lists and pending meetings while you’re spending time with your kids.  Likewise, don’t worry about your kids while you’re at work. You’ve left them in capable, loving care, so focus on your work and get it done so you can get home to them.
• Force yourself to disconnect.  In today’s age of laptops, iPhones and Blackberries, you’re always accessible and “on the clock.”  Learn that it’s OK to shut down all of your electronics to play board games (or help with homework, or go for a walk) with your kids.
• “Hire” your child as your assistant.  Occasionally, I need to work while I’m home with my kids.  They used to pout about it until I hired them to help me.  I give them special projects, like filling the paper tray on my printer, sharpening my pencils and even (supervised) paper shredding.  They also enjoy doing “paperwork” (coloring or workbooks) at their desks, while I work at mine.

How do you successfully manage your work and home responsibilities?

Busy moms have a lot in common with circus performers.  We have to juggle many balls in the air - and we worry that it’s all going to come crashing down at any moment!  Additionally, we strive to perfect our balancing act, some days feeling more surefooted than others.  Add some crying babies, toddlers melting down and kids needing help with homework, rides to soccer practice, a Band Aid or a snack, and your life often feels like a three-ring circus!

Many moms are looking for that “perfect” balance between family, chores, work, “me time” and time with their partner and friends.  But since there are only 24 hours in a day, how are we supposed to fit it all in?

• Rely on a nanny for help with childcare, shuttling kids to school and other activities, as well as errands and housework.  Delegate some responsibilities so you can spend your limited time on things you want to do - like playing with your kids.
• Don’t forget to take care of yourself.  Our inclination as mothers is to care for our children, husband, friends and colleagues…which leaves no time to take care of ourselves!  Eat right, exercise, get plenty of sleep and drink lots of water.  When you feel good, you’ll be better equipped to deal with your hectic schedule.  And when you’re not feeling your best, you’re much more likely to feel overwhelmed.
• Say “no” to the less important things.  Sure, it would be nice to have a spotless house, be the president of the PTA, bake homemade bread, volunteer at the local hospital, get a raise and promotion at work, and spend time helping in your child’s classroom.  But, of course, it’s not realistic to accomplish all of these things.  Decide what’s most important and do that.  Delegate what you can to a nanny or a spouse.  And don’t worry about the rest.

We’re all looking for balance in our lives, which is often challenging to achieve…  What are your tips to make it all work?

Quality child care is at the top of every parent’s list. Whether you’re a WAHM (work-at-home-mom), a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) or you work full- or part-time out of the house - you need help ma’am!

THE FAMILY GROOVE asked nanny expert Candi Wingate for her advice on finding the right kind of care for little bears.  Here, she gives you a how-to of what to do—and what not to do —when you’re on the great sitter search!