Your kids are in school . . . but they’ll be home for the summer soon.  They’re too young to be home alone all day while you’re at work.  So, you’ve decided to hire a summer nanny.  What do you look for In a well qualified summer nanny?

• 1. Like all nannies, your summer nanny should have clean background checks, get along well with your kids, model the behaviors that you want your kids to exhibit, and have the other skills and abilities that your family needs. For example, you may want your summer nanny to have her own car and be able to transport your kids to the variety of summer civic recreational activities in which they will be involved. Or you may want a summer nanny that speaks a foreign language to help your kids survive and thrive in a globally-oriented world.
• 2. Your summer nanny should be seeking summer-only employment. If you hire a summer nanny who prefers year-round employment, she may continue her job search while she is caring for your kids. If she is hired for a year-round job, she may leave your employment before the fall school semester begins.
• 3. Your summer nanny should be energetic and enjoy outdoor activities. In most areas, winter affords fewer opportunities to enjoy the great outdoors. Summer is generally the best time to take a nature hike, plant a garden, play outdoor sports, or just sit on a porch swing and take in the fresh air of a summer breeze.
• 4. Your summer nanny should be able to think creatively to develop fun ideas to keep your kids occupied, entertained, and learning throughout the summer.

By considering the above factors when selecting a summer nanny, you should be able to find the right summer nanny for your family this summer.

You plan to hire a nanny.  You want her to handle your kids in a manner consistent with your parenting philosophy.  How can you accomplish that objective?

• 1. Spend some time thinking about the specifics of your parenting philosophy. If you want your nanny to match your philosophy, you first need to know what that philosophy is. That may sound obvious, but many of us parent without thinking a lot about why we do what we do. Those underlying philosophies become important when hiring a nanny. For example, when your kids ask “Why?” do you treat that as challenging your parental authority or as young minds trying to understand the rationale for the things that happen in their world? If your kids back-talk you, do you hold a firm line on accountability for bad behavior or do you ask your kids what they are feeling that is causing them to choose behaviors that they know are non-constructive? If your kids accidentally spill grape juice in the living room, is that to be met with redirection for the poor choice of taking grape juice out of the kitchen and into the living room, or is that to be met with a response that validates the lesson learned (i.e., that there is a good reason that kids should not take grape juice out of the kitchen and into the living room). If your kids behave in a manner that deviates significantly from expectations, is spanking ever an acceptable response? Hierarchical parenting, egalitarian parenting, strict parenting, lenient parenting, etc. . . . these and many other philosophies needs to be considered so that you can determine which best matches your parenting style.
• 2. Once you have fleshed out the details of your parenting philosophy, you can form interview questions that will help you assess what your nanny candidates’ philosophies are. For example, you could ask the following interview question, “Would you tell me about a time when one of the grade school kids in your care back-talked you and how you responded to that?” Additionally, you should observe your nanny candidates’ non-verbal communications: do her words match her actions?
• 3. Once all your interviews are complete, you can select the nanny who most nearly reflects your parenting philosophy.

International businesses are the norm rather than the exception.  These mega-corporations move their employees all over the globe to pursue their business purposes.  Expatriots and inpatriots are common in today’s communities the world over.  People who have the skills to communicate effectively with a variety of cultures are at a professional and social advantage.  You are raising your kids to be adaptable in this multicultural melting pot.  To do that, your kids need to be multi-lingual and culturally savvy.  How can you, with the help of your nanny, work toward that goal?

If your nanny speaks a foreign language and has familiarity with a foreign culture, she can teach your kids to speak that language and to understand and be respectful of that foreign culture.  For example, as she goes about her daily tasks, she can introduce your kids to her native language’s names for items she sees.  If she speaks French, she can point to your kids’ hands and say, “mains“.  Once your kids have mastered basic nouns, your nanny can begin teaching verbs and other parts of speech.  Ultimately, she can teach verb conjugation and sentence structure.  Ideally, your nanny and your kids will ultimately speak fluent French throughout the majority of the nanny’s work time.  Foreign culture can be similarly taught.  For example, if your nanny was raised in a culture that embraced the idea that avoiding eye contact is an appropriate sign of deference, your nanny can model and teach that.  As other social cues and norms arise that may differ between your nanny’s culture and your own, your nanny can teach your kids about those differences and help your kids become sensitive to and respectful of these differences.  

Even if your nanny comes to you from your own culture and is mono-lingual, she can learn with your kids.  Trips to cultural centers, learning a foreign language, trying foreign foods, meeting and interacting with people of a foreign culture or speaking a foreign language . . . these and other activities can be arranged and shared by your nanny for your kids. 

Here are some additional tips.  

Have your nanny coordinate special ethnic days in your home, days that are focused on one specific culture and language.  For example, perhaps your family can celebrate Bastille Day (a French holiday) by speaking French, having French food for dinner, discussing why Bastille Day is important to French people, and watching a French movie (without sub-titles) that evening. 

Invite a foreign exchange student into your home.  That student can, with the help of your nanny, provide further multi-cultural awareness for your kids.

Spend time in ethnic-oriented communities or participating in or observing ethnic activities.  Your nanny can escort your kids to your nearest metropolitan area’s Little Italy: they can shop, dine, and immerse themselves in the culture and language there.  Your nanny and your kids can attend a cultural observation of Cinco de Mayo, enjoying the music, national dress, and history of this event.    

Your nanny and your family can take a vacation to a foreign destination or a domestic location with a foreign orientation.  Domestic locations with foreign orientations include, but are certainly not limited to: 

Miami, Florida (Cuban orientation),

Orange City, Iowa (with Dutch orientation),

Albuquerque, New Mexico (Pueblo Indian orientation), and

Leavenworth, Washington (Bavarian orientation).

By following these tips, you can, with your nanny’s help, teach your kids a foreign language.

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Toilet training can be a challenge, even under the best of circumstances.  Toilet training children with special needs can seem like mission impossible.  Do not despair!  Here are some tips.

• 1. Before you begin the toilet training process, visit with the children’s pediatricians for guidance.
• 2. Participate in support groups for parents with special needs children. In these groups will be parents who have already been through this process and can share their wisdom.
• 3. Assess the children’s readiness to begin the toilet training process. Do the children recognize the difference between feeling wet and feeling dry? Do they find wetness to be an unpleasant experience? Can they feel when they need to pass urine and feces? Are they physically capable of reaching the commode and sufficiently undressing in the time in which they have that feeling but before they actually begin passing urine or feces? How frequently do they pass urine or feces? (Note: children with special needs often begin the toilet training process later than children who do not have special needs.)
• 4. Ensure that you do not begin toilet training when the children’s lives have unusual changes or stressors. If there is a relocation to a new community, the birth of a sibling, the death of a grandparent, or other unusual change or stressor, this is not the time to begin toilet training.
• 5. Begin with a statement of purpose, a message that will be motivating to the children. For example, if toilet training is successfully completed, they can wear “big kid” pants.
• 6. Generously praise every success (i.e., getting to the commode before an accident occurs). Celebrate milestones in ways that will make the children feel rewarded. These celebrations may include a special dessert with dinner that night, an extra 15 minutes before bedtime, etc.
• 7. Have patience in periodic set-backs. Special needs children may take longer to toilet train, but stay the course.
• 8. Find humor when possible. Don’t let the children experience shame when accidents occur: find a way to minimize the embarrassment and, later, to giggle over whatever may be found to be funny in a non-destructive manner.
• 9. Use substitute toilet training coaches as needed. When you feel frustration, let your spouse or other trusted person step in and resume toilet training while you take a moment to step away and regain perspective.

Each physical and psychological challenge can make toilet training difficult in its own unique ways.  This blog is intended to be general in nature, to cover the range of physical and psychological challenges.   In steps #1 and #2 above, challenge-specific difficulties can be ascertained and potentially accommodated.

For more useful tips; continue to visit Nannies4hire.com.

You are noticing those extra pounds you’ve put on, and you want to address the situation.  But you’ve got a baby and a toddler to take care of.  What’s a mom to do?

• 1. Take the kids for daily walks. Each walk should last at least a half hour. Have a stroller for your baby and your toddler. Your baby will obviously be in the stroller throughout the walk; your toddler will likely weary of the walk long before the half hour is up.
• 2. Engage in physical play with your toddler. Kick the can. Hide and seek. Anything to get you both moving. (Your baby will need to be on the sidelines - in his/her stroller, crib, or other infant-friendly location - for this activity.)
• 3. Plant a backyard garden that you and your toddler can tend while your baby takes in a beautiful summer breeze in his/her stroller.
• 4. Turn everyday activities into opportunities for exercise. For example, don’t drive the four blocks to your neighborhood grocery store: walk there (see #1 above).
• 5. Take exercise classes intended for mother and child.
• 6. Exercise while doing other activities. Nursing your baby? Try “bun” clinches while you’re at it. Watching your two angels nap? Use two or three pound free weights to work on your biceps and triceps. Holding baby? Try doing lunges at the same time. Laying down with baby on your tummy? Lift baby up, hold him/her at that level, lower him/her back to your abdomen, then repeat (virtually, you have a baby free weight here).
• 7. Partner with other moms to establish and maintain exercise regimens.
• 8. Hire a personal trainer that specializes in postnatal fitness.

It bears noting that no exercise regimen should begin until at least six weeks after the birth of your baby.  Right after your baby’s birth, you are tired and your body is recovering from a major event; you need that six weeks for rest and recovery.  But once you are physically ready for exercise, you can do it!  It is healthy not only for you, but for your kids as well!

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You want your child to be active in at least one sport.  Not only is it healthy for your child, but it also fosters social skills development, the development of motor skills and coordination, and much more.  How can you find the sport that is right for your child?

Match your child’s temperament/personality to a sport.

Is your child rough-and-tumble or reserved?  Does s/he prefer to be indoors or outdoors?  Does s/he like or dislike getting dirty?  Football is a good sport for the rough-and-tumble, outdoorsy child who doesn’t mind (or likes) getting dirty.  Swimming is a good sport for a more reserved. Indoor-oriented child who prefers not to get dirty.  Tennis is a good sport that falls somewhere in the middle.

Match your child’s physical strengths and weaknesses to a sport.

How well developed is your child’s hand-eye coordination?  Can your child run quickly and easily?  Is your child limber?  A child with well developed hand-eye coordination may enjoy tennis, football, basketball, etc.  A child who enjoys running and can run with ease and speed may do well at track and field events.  A limber child may excel in wrestling or ballet dancing.       

Match your available time with the amount of involvement required by various team sports (i.e., parent coaching, game/practice schedules, game-related travel, parent concession-stand duty, etc.)

Some sports involve a greater time commitment than others.  If a sport requires a lot of parental time and you don’t have that time available, your child will feel disadvantaged when all his/her teammates have significant parental involvement when your child does not. 

Match your budget to a sport.

Some sports involve greater expense than others.  Between lessons, uniforms, equipment, travel, and other expenses, athletics can be costly.  If you cannot afford the more expensive sports, do not get your child enthused to participate in a sport in which s/he will be unable to participate. 

In sum

By considering the above factors, you can find a sport that is a good match for your child. 

For more useful tips; continue to visit Nannies4hire.com.

Diaries, voice mail messages, e-mail messages, texts, and other personal correspondence.  Do your kids have a right to privacy regarding these?  As a parent, is it ok to review these . . . and, if so, under what circumstances is it ok?

Certainly, an argument can be made for both side of this hotly debated issue.  On the one hand, you, as the parent, are ultimately responsible for everything that happens to and with your kids; thus, it makes sense that you have the right to review anything and everything about your kids to assess potential dangers that may be afoot.  On the other hand, everything you do with your kids is establishing a paradigm that will potentially shape your kids’ adult expectations, behaviors, and relationships: thus, it makes sense that you should not review anything that your kids may reasonably perceive as private as you want your kids, when they are adult, to know where healthy privacy boundaries rest, be respectful of the privacy of others, and to defend constructively their own right to privacy.  

In this author’s opinion, neither argument is persuasive.  Instead, a mid-ground approach is recommended.   According to this approach, parents should not review anything that their kids may reasonably perceive as private unless there is an urgent and compelling reason to behave to the contrary.  Let’s review several circumstances to determine the implications of this approach.

Scenario #1

You think your teen daughter’s friends may be using illicit drugs.  Hopefully, you and your daughter have had open communication as your historical norm.  Using that history of open communication as your foundation, you can approach your daughter and ask her if her friends may be using illicit drugs (make sure to ask in a calm, non-accusatory manner).  If your daughter indicates that her friends are “clean”, then let her know that you accept that answer.  Also let her know that she can talk to you about anything and that you will always “be there” to support her.  Then, conclude the conversation unless she wishes to discuss the matter further.  At this juncture, you have no need to access her perceived private communications.  You should trust your daughter to come to you if danger is afoot.

Scenario #2

You think your teen son is depressed and potentially suicidal.  Using your history of open communication with your son as your foundation, you can approach your son and ask him how he is feeling.  If he is not forthcoming, you may share your observations and ask more specific questions.  For example, you might say, “Dakota, I’ve noticed that you sleep all the time anymore.  You don’t go out with your friends, you don’t join in family activities, and you have lost your interest in all the hobbies and activities that you used to love.  It’s even hard for me to get you to eat.  I’m worried for you.  Are you sure you are ok?”  If your son maintains silence, you should suggest counseling as a loving, supportive option.  If your son resists, you can begin inquiring into the situation in a peripherally invasive way.  You can visit with your son’s teachers, guidance counselors, and other school officials to see what they are observing and what they recommend.  If you happen upon one of your son’s friends in the grocery store, you might say, “Sam, I really miss seeing you.  You used to come by our house often.  How come I never see you anymore?”  If, after peripherally invasive inquiry, you find out that your son might be at imminent risk of harming himself or others (note the emphasis on the word imminent), then it may be appropriate for you to review your son’s private communications.  If you choose to do so, do not keep this a secret:  the perceived invasion of privacy will be seen by your son as violation enough . . . keeping that perceived violation a secret will be seen as a further violation.  Some parents think that they can review their kids’ private communications “on the sly”.  Let’s be clear: you can’t.  Sooner or later, the truth will out.  Make sure that your kids know that you are being up front with them at all times.  Your communication with your son may be as follows:  “Dakota, I’ve talked with you several times about what I’m seeing as signs of depression.  You don’t seem willing or able to talk with me about it.  That’s ok: I’m not here to force you to talk with me.  However, I’m your mom, I love you, and it’s my job to help you when I think you are struggling.  I spoke with your teachers: they tell me your grades have dropped significantly this quarter.  They say you seem distant, disinterested, and even withdrawn in class.  I saw Sam at the grocery store yesterday: he told me that he misses you.  He said he’s tried to call you several times, but he thinks you are blowing him off.  Your dad and I spoke about this last night, and we are both very worried for you, son.  We love you very much.  Right now, I’m going to get your cell phone and your laptop.  Dad is going to review these to see if there is anything in there that helps us help you.  I know you are probably not wild about us going through your things, but since you aren’t talking and we have reason to be significantly worried, we think this is the best course of action.  I will sit here with you now while Dad reviews your texts, e-mails, etc.  If you want to talk with me, I’m begging you to do so.  Please.”  (Your son may become very angry, but your actions will ultimately be shown to be well chosen.)

Summary

By following a mid-ground approach, you can balance your parental interests in your kids and your kids’ right to privacy.

For more useful tips; continue to visit Nannies4hire.com.

A live-out nanny has unique employment challenges.  Unlike live-in nannies, a live-out nanny should request the following:

• 1. Her job description and/or nanny contract. When does her workday begin and end? What happens if she is tardy for work? Is she expected to be on call after hours? What happens in the event of inclement weather precluding safe travel to/from work? What are her job duties? Will she ever be expected to provide childcare in her own home? Is she able to consume food in her employer-family’s kitchen?  How is overtime handled?
• 2. A vehicle or mileage reimbursement if she must use her own vehicle for work.
• 3. A suitable nanny pay rate relative to the cost of living in the community in which she will work.
• 4. Employment benefits (i.e., paid vacations, etc.).
• 5. Clearly communicated boundaries regarding her use of her cellular telephone. Is the nanny allowed to use her own personal telephone while she is on the clock? Are her calls respected as private?
• 6. Discuss withholding of taxes from the salary.

We, as parents, want our children to grow up healthy, happy, and self-confident.  It is easy to determine what steps we can take to foster health:  proper nutrition, regular medical exams, regular exercise, etc.  Fostering happiness can be somewhat more of an enigma, but we know that valuing our children as individuals, communicating our love for them, and letting them feel truly “heard” are some of the many components to fostering happiness in our children.   Fostering self-confidence similarly can be a bit of an enigma.  In this article, we will address one element of self-confidence and how it is developed.

Self-confidence is, to some degree, a learned trait.  That is to say that we generally start with some degree of uncertainty.  Can I do that?  Am I capable enough to accomplish that objective?  When we attempt the accomplishment, it is our success or failure, and the feedback that comes to us as a result, that determines whether our level of self-confidence is bolstered or diminished. 

If a third grade boy tries out for pee wee football and is ultimately chosen for the team, the boy will learn that he is strong and capable in this context.  He will subsequently interact with other youth, who will hopefully become his friends.  This will reinforce a hopefully pre-existent concept that he is a good person and worthy of friends.  As his football prowess grows, so will his assessment of his own capability.  Thus, by participating in football, his self-esteem has been bolstered in multiple contexts.

If this same boy tries out for soccer and is not chosen for the team, the feedback he receives as a result of this perceived failure will determine the effect of this event on his level of self-confidence.  For example, if he receives feedback that he did very well . . . he was just a little smaller than the boys that were chosen for the soccer team (He was, after all, one of the youngest boys trying out.) . . . he may thus feel encouraged (he did well for his size and age), which bolsters his self-confidence.  Conversely, if the feedback he receives is critical in nature (”You performed very poorly.  What’s the matter with you?”), then his self-esteem will diminish.

Thus, we can see that involvement in activities can contribute significantly to children’s development of self-confidence.

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A live-in nanny has unique employment challenges.  Unlike live-out nannies, a live-in nanny should request the following:

• 1. Her own bedroom is a must.  Her own bathroom is ideal.
• 2. Her job description and/or nanny contract. While these are important for live-out nannies too, they are even more important for a live-in nanny whose job, residence, and much more is all combined in this one job.
• 3. Access to a vehicle.
• 4. Mileage reimbursement if she must use her own vehicle for work. While this is important for live-out nannies too, it is even more important for a live-in nanny who likely spends even more time shuttling children from activity to activity.
• 5. A suitable pay rate relative to the cost of living in the community in which she will work: this pay rate will need to factor in the cost of housing provided.
• 6. Employment benefits (i.e., paid vacations, health insurance, etc.). While these are important for live-out nannies too, they are even more important for a live-in nanny who is less likely to have a spouse or second job to provide her with the benefits she needs.
• 7. Her precise off-the-clock time. Live-in nannies can be all too convenient: it’s best to have designated off-the-clock time in which live-in nannies can pursue their own personal interests.
• 8. Clearly communicated boundaries regarding whether she can have friends visit her, whether her boyfriend can visit her, and what hours visitors are allowed in the employer-family’s home.
• 9. Clearly communicated boundaries regarding her use of her cellular telephone and computer. Is the nanny allowed to use her own personal telephone while she is on the clock? Are her calls respected as private? Is she allowed to use her computer as she pleases (within reason)? Are the children in her care able to access her computer? While these issues are important for live-out nannies too, it is even more important for a live-in nanny who is likely to experience a blurring of these lines due to her workplace and residence coinciding.
• 10. A discussion with the family on how taxes will be withheld.

For more useful tips; continue to visit Nannies4hire.com.