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100 Tips for Nannies and Families

The advice in this book comes from Candi Wingate, President of Nannies4hire.com.
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A Test of Values ~ Sleep-Away Summer Camp

You’ve taught your kids right from wrong.  You’ve instilled the values that are important to you.  Now, your kids are going to a sleep-away summer camp where they will be 24/7 exposed to people whose values may differ from your own . . . and you won’t be there to reinforce the values you’ve instilled.  What can you do to help your kids maintain their values in the presence of potential peer pressure to act otherwise?

Prepare your kids in advance of going to summer camp.  Let your kids know what behavior you expect of them while they are away.  Talk to them about peer pressure and how they need to be confident and independent enough to stand their ground.  Role play situations in which they must decline peer pressure.  Ask them how you can help them not to feel lonely while they are gone.  For example, if you gave them a cell phone and called them each evening, would that make them feel less lonely and less vulnerable to persuasion from peer pressure?  Or how about daily letters from home?  Or inexpensive values-reinforcing thinking-of-you gifts that they can unwrap, one for each evening while they are gone?  Or simply a good book in which they can get lost while other kids are doing things inconsistent with your values.

Give your kids the safe space to communicate with you when they are feeling tempted or vulnerable.  If they can call you when they need reinforcement of their values, and if they can feel comfortable sharing their need without your judging or lecturing them, they will be more likely to seek your reinforcement rather than trying to forge ahead on their own.  For example, if Johnny is feeling tempted to smoke because “all the boys are doing it”, make sure Johnny knows it’s ok to call you and talk to you about how outside-the-group he is feeling.  Don’t lecture him about feeling tempted.  Instead, validate that temptation exists.  Express empathy for his situation.  Ask him how he would like to handle the situation.  Coach and counsel him as needed . . . but never in a critical manner.   You might say, “I hear you saying that one cigarette can’t be that bad and it would help you fit in.  Maybe one cigarette would help you fit in, but is that the crowd you want to fit into?  How many cigarettes does it take before a person becomes addicted?  Are you sure it’s more than one?  I don’t know the answer here, but I worry that you may ultimately smoke more than one cigarette . . . and we both know the problems associated with smoking.  What are your thoughts?”

Give your kids the safe space to communicate poor choices.  If Johnny chooses to smoke one cigarette just to fit in, make sure that he will feel comfortable telling you what he has done without fear of reprisal.  Your non-judgmental response might be, “Now that you’ve smoked that one cigarette, has it helped you fit in?  Do the boys include you in their group now?  Are you enjoying the group?  What all do you boys do together?  All in all, are you comfortable with the choice you’ve made relative to the outcome?”  After this discussion, you can ask “Have you smoked any additional cigarettes?  How are you feeling?”  If Johnny has taken up smoking (more than one cigarette), he already knows your position on the matter so you don’t need to say anything more than, “Well, while I’m not a supporter of smoking, I’m glad you told me about your choice.  I am grateful for your trusting me to handle that information well.  Am I correct in assuming that you are smoking only because of the summer camp group . . . in other words, that you won’t smoke once you return to your non-smoking circle of friends here at home?”  You may also add, “If you find it hard to stop smoking, please know I am here to help.”

In limited circumstances, you may contact the camp counselor to inform him/her about the misdeeds being perpetrated at camp.  You should do this only in the most extreme circumstances.  For example, if seasoned campers are hazing first-time campers, that should be reported to the camp counselor.  Should you choose to report such a matter, make sure that you communicate what you are going to do to your kids.  Never do something “behind their backs” as their trust in you may be diminished.

When your kids return home from summer camp, encourage your kids to share their experiences with you.  “Accidentally bump into” someone you know with emphysema so Johnny can see what smoking can do.  Talk with your kids about their choices while at camp, praise their good choices, and ask what you can do next time to help them through situations in which poor choices were made this time.  (Note: do not call these “poor choices” when speaking with your kids.  It is important for you to reinforce your values without being judgmental of other choices.  Your kids need to know that you love and accept them, no matter what.)

By following the above steps, you can prepare your kids for the test of values that is upcoming sleep-away summer camps.

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1 comment to A Test of Values ~ Sleep-Away Summer Camp

  • helen o' connor

    Keeping Control of your live-in Nanny
    Nannies who feel controlled will usually look around for a new job. However, it is worth making an effort to keep your nanny firmly under control because your child will be happier and more confident if your nanny understands what is expected of her. Most nannies experience certain recurring behavior problems, so here are a few tips for keeping her under control! I present the problem from the nanny’s point of view and suggest a solution to you, the parents.

    · PROBLEM – INTERFERING: The worst problem which nannies encounter she feels the parents interfere with her method of discipline. In other words, leaving her to make her own decisions about how to deal with any problems. When parents don’t interfere the nanny feels she is allowed to make her own rules. She may have been dealing with everything the way she thinks is right, maybe even getting good results, but she forgets that the parent comes first. A nanny is nothing more than an extension of a big sister and constantly needs supervision, and by her making decisions, she is damaging your efforts to bring your children up properly. This not only causes a lot of anger and pent up frustration between you and the nanny because she that she is there for nothing, but also creates a problem for the child, as they will become confused about whom to listen to and will start to play parent off against nanny. When you lose control, the nanny will try to take over. For instance, at meal times when the children would usually eat with the nanny, they know that there will be no other food offered if they refuse their meal. The nanny might try to appease the child by offering alternatives like pudding or a packet of pop tarts, completely against your rules. When “you” the parents return home and see your child hasn’t eaten their dinner – you must take control of this situation.

    · SOLUTION: Tell your nanny that you are the boss, you are in charge and if she has no right to blindly change any rules you have made. Explain to her that she has broken a rule or an appropriate punishment must take place before she goes to bed! I Always ask your nanny ‘Do you think what you did was right? Do you think my kids would learn if I turned my back on your naughtiness? Have you been good?’, but don’t do it in such a way as to make nanny know you mean business and do this right in front of the kids! Ask her if she will understands. Tell the kids that the nanny should know better, and let her know the rules. Get your kids involved in letting you know when the nanny is not going by the rules of the house. Remember, you are the boss’. The nanny is not!

    Nannies are not great at knowing what to do when a child misbehaves or when they won’t eat thier meal and so on, because she is no more than a grown child, and can not really be objective. Remember often has a great deal of childish and training and that is why you hired her in the first place, to play with your kids and keep them entertained. Her methods are always often childlike, inconsistent and they don’t work! Children (I’m afraid) will always want what the nanny wants and rebel against their parents, but it is so important they don’t bond with her! They can still listen and learn from her and but she is not the parent. You don’t have to worry about them when they are with her as most nannies like to play all of the time! The nanny must back you up and you should treat the nanny like she is more like a teenager. she must face trouble with the you for any broken rules or if she suddenly changes your rules. Tell your nanny that you value her opinion but it is still your decision and your children.

    · PROBLEM – TRUST: Similar to interfering in your rules but more about a general lack of trust in your nanny the nannies might try to leave when they feel they cannot be in control. Don’t choose a head strong nanny, choose the shy type of girl. The one who utters the words yes ma’am and no ma’am, or yes sir no sir. If you chose her by her lack of maturity, maybe even her first job, she would be grateful and not likely to question your ways. It becomes very hard when you mistrust your nanny. Some are thieves, it happens. Test her, leave $20 dollar bills around. Leave some fake jewelry under beds or tables. Let your kids know that you planted the money or jewelry, they have to know the nanny is the help and has to earn the entire families trust. If you have some reason behind the mistrust her don’t! Once you catch her red handed, don’t get rid of her, now you have the upper hand. The fear of the police is enough to go to the next level of control. with your nanny/parent relationship. After you have cleared the air, explained to her that she was caught red handed, you call the entire family into the living room, ask the nanny to choose, the police or a punishment. She will choose a punishment. Tell the nanny to remove her clothes one piece at a time. Do not tell your kids to leave the room, they have to understand your nanny is just your help. Use your hand first over her panties and give her at least 50 slaps. Next have her remove the rest of her clothes, and do not allow her to cover up. Do not admonish your kids if the giggle or laugh, and you must have to have either a paddle or a belt. And when you spank she must know mean business. Not enough to bruise or draw blood, but enough for her to know that she is a sorry girl and will never want to be spanked again. After her spankings you always must put her in the corner for at least 30 minutes and then with cream soothe her tushie. Although if there is an element of mistrust, you must tell her you forgive her. It is often just a her deferred guilt of being a child that will make this all work out. You have no reason to feel guilty about spanking her, she is lucky to have a job or to spend time with your child and have fun!

    Children with nannies gain a lot from their experience and have an even better experience, if they learn discipline is not just for them but for the nanny as well. What I mean by this is that children will sense if you favor the nanny and if you treat her like them the kids will tell you every time she misbehaves, and she cannot play your own kids against you. This will cause your kids and your nanny to be on an equal playing field.

    Remember as a parent you have to check up on your nanny – call during the day, get a nanny cam. Have your nanny have a uniform. It makes it harder to steal if she has to wear a skirt of a dress. If you keep your nanny in skirts no less than 4″ above the knee and a halter top, she is not going to be able to hide things on person without it clearly being seen.

    So what if your nanny wants to try and leave.

    · SOLUTION: Your agreement should clearly state how long our nanny agreed to stay. No less than one year. Work into the agreement you have the right to extend the contract another year and then she has the right to leave. All money she earns should be placed in escrow and a small weekly allowance of $20 is all she gets. The agreement should always state that if she doesn’t complete the time of one or two years, the money earned is void. She get’s nothing. Have it notarized as well. The most important thing you should know about keeping your nanny under control is ABSOLUTELY NO INTERNET! NO COMPUTER USE, NO FACEBOOK, NO CELLPHONE! If she has nowhere to go, she won’t just leave. When you decide the nanny has to go through another session with the paddle, you must not go soft, she must understand and discipline important and control is the answer to keeping a nanny. You should never be friends with the nanny. These are your precious children, your kids must listen to her, but know that they can come to you and tell on her and feel that she cannot and will not make them feel bad. Your kids will fee a lot happier, if they know the nanny is not their boss.

    A nanny is a servant and should always be treated as such. She should ideally fit in like one of the kids but more like a step child. She is the caregiver to your kids and that is a VERY important job! If you chose the right nanny by preferably taking on girl with no real family ties, and respect for you and your spouse, one who is more shy than abrasive I have every confidence that she will eventually accept her role and be appreciated that she has a job.

    ·

    · PROBLEM – HOURS OVERRUN / HOURS TOO LONG: If you have laid down certain working hours for nanny in your contract but also explained that they might change at anytime unexpectedly then it becomes reasonable to do so. Once she agrees, she will learn that she is on call 24/7. She should never be allowed to go out without either a spouse, or one of your friends watching her. You have to remember she is like a child. NO DATING! NO BOYFRIENDS! NO FRIENDS! She took the job with a certain description that you clearly set forth and the hours will change them without notice, her salary covers that. If your nanny wants to go out and have fun, and you cannot go, arrange for her to go with a family friend, who understands your lifestyle with her.

    · PROBLEM – TOO MUCH HOUSEWORK / ERRANDS TO RUN: A very big problem, your nanny is not going to be useful if she is doing too many chores. She should have some, but not overwhelming and less in the summer when your kids are there all the time. She should be in charge of the kids rooms, making their beds, and the cleaning the bathroom they use as well as her own room. When the chores are completed, you must check her work daily and if the chore is lacking, you must punish her and allow her to complete it again, and if still unsatisfied the punishment should become worse, possibly corner time or confinement, or even time out in a cage or bound. One thing I must stress is never allow your nanny to do her own laundry. It is very important to monitor your nannies clothes paying particular attention to her panties. Knowing when your nanny is having her period and blood spotting, or having problems keeping her panties clean of POOP STAINS. This is very important. Some girls have trouble with wiping their bottoms properly. As disgusting as this sounds to see it, your kids don’t need a nanny with bad hygiene and will learn that even she will get punished for this type of misbehavior. Aside from spankings, this is when an enema could be employed. A large rubber bag filled with distilled water, and a sizable nozzle and a butt plug to hold the water, you will give her an enema 3 times a week for a month that she doesn’t have any more dirty accidents. Again, your kids should be allowed to view the enema and learn what happens to girls and boys of any age when they have accidents. Now– the worst time of mess in the panties has to be talked about. Girls are sexual beings and cannot help themselves, but when you find vaginal fluid, you have to be concerned. She is working with your kids. You have every right to know if she is sexually stimulated by your children. Of if she is fingering herself. Imagine she is using a carrot to make herself cum, while she covers herself under her blanket, and one of your kids happened to walk in on it. The child would be devastated for life. When you catch a nanny with panty wetness, or cum, you must investigate. The last thing you need is a pedophile working with your kids, it happens more often these days. And as much as privacy is an issue, you must check her for wetness every time she is alone with your kids and they are naked, like after a bath, or wiping their precious little bottoms. You might not thing a nanny would agree to letting you check her down their, but once you show her you have cum soaked panties, she will want to clear her name. Humiliating yes, but she will understand you need piece of mind. What ever happens, their is one thing clear, she has sexual issues. And she needs to be controlled. There are techniques called milking. Where the mother boss or daddy boss, can either get a machine that has a moveable fuck device or hand held vibrator, and work her till she orgasms, of course, most probably not a good idea for the kids to witness, unless your family has an open lifestyle.

    · PROBLEM – COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN: It is import that your nanny never feels that she can just talk to you easily. A nanny should be seen and not heard. If they complain, you must be ready to punish for their brashness. I had a nanny that complained that my daughter who was four at the time, was too old to be in diapers. I was pretty mad that she had the audacity to tell me in a way I was a bad mom. Truth is the girl was afraid of the potty but I had an idea. I asked her if she would help him train. Without thinking she blurted out yes. I had a bench in my basement, and I placed a small child’s seat right above the bench attached in a way it would hover over the flat bench. I had the nanny come downstairs, lie on the bench and I secured her to the bench. She wondered why the seat was over her face. My girl came downstairs and I told her that she could pee on the nanny! My daughter found it very fun and learned to piss in a toilet in less than 2 months. Unfortunately for the nanny, she got a mouth full every time and once or twice a smelly accident. She must learn to never question you!

    · PROBLEM – LIVE-IN NANNY’S FEELING COMFORTABLE IN YOUR OWN HOME: When you have a live-in nanny, she must understand that this is your home and you and your kids do not have to dress up just because she is living there. Walking about in all states of dress and undress is normal in any family, and your nanny should know that if the mom or dad wants to walk naked in your own home, she has to understand that. In addition, she too will feel less uncomfortable having to be inspected vaginally and her asshole after every time she bathes or if bad bathroom habits ever time she poops. There is no privacy in families. Your kids must be allowed to wake her up any day of the week, climb under her covers when they feel scared, naked or dressed she must welcome them as they would her own siblings. Normal child exploration is not bad. Kids are very curious, and if they want to touch or finger, the worst thing a person can say that child is “NO” It makes them feel subconscious and what they did was wrong. Exploration is not wrong and important to a child’s growth and the older a boy gets, the more he feels the need to touch. It’s part of a nannies job. Sometimes the nanny is nothing more than a child’s real life Barbie doll.

    · PROBLEM – ANNUAL PAID LEAVE: NONE!

    · PROBLEM – CLOTHES: You must keep her in different outfits, different types of panties and clothes that are probably too short for the normal teen. A girl loves clothes and everyday either the mom or dad should lay out what they want her wearing for the day.
    ·

    I hope that everything I have suggested will help you get a good nanny suitable for your family.

    HELEN

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